Stinkfoot (Good News Week 23/2/09: Strange But True)

After a 10 year legal battle, a Dutch philosophy student has won the right to study at a Rotterdam University despite his foot odour. The judge finally upheld the student’s appeal just to get him out of the damn court.

The university didn’t expect to win – they just wanted him out of the classroom for ten years.

And after 10 years, those feet have really matured.

Of course he could’ve just put some talcum powder in his shoes. But a ten year court battle sounded more fun.

Unfortunately now that he’s spent ten years fighting the court battle, he really can’t afford shoes.

If our uni students could be thrown out of class for stinking, there’d be no-one left.

Luckily in Australia, students are famous for their sweet sweet smell. Like they’re known for their sobriety, chastity and work ethic.

The Dutch judge has ruled that foul stench is no reason to be kicked out of university. So the philosophy department stays.

The judge’s verdict said that “the professors and other students will just have to hold their noses and bear it”. After all, he had to.

The judge not only allowed the student to return to class, but to get revenge sentenced them to ten years of campus stinkbombs.

What’s that noise? Is that the stampede of Holland’s stinkiest feet? I believe it is.

The other students couldn’t stand the smell of his feet. Like roses and honeydew. Eurgh.

But who ever heard of a student smelling bad?

A student with smelly feet? Pull the other one – it’s got athlete’s foot.

The student Teunis Tenbrook said he was relieved that the case was finally over and he could take a shower.

It’s taken ten years for this case to be settled. By now, he’s no longer even at uni – he’s already stinking up the workplace.

He’s now allowed to stink up the classroom with his malodourous tootsies. But they’re planning on taking him to court over his arsewind.

He’s unlikely to get an A. More like a “YEWWW”.

This guy’s feet must really have stunk, given the smell of Dutch baking.

You’d think the Dutch would’ve gotten used to foul stenches, what with their notorious ovens.

If you’re going to fit in at a Dutch university, the preferred stench is bongwater and semen.

It turns out it’s not his feet that actually stink – it’s the thick black mould that grows between his toes.

It turns out it’s not his feet that actually stink – it’s the weeping crust on his anal scabs.

Strange thing is they aren’t even his feet.

It turns out, after all that, the guy’s actually dead and was just rotting for the last ten years! How embarrassing.

When he was finally allowed back in class it turned out to be a huge disappointment. He’d meant to enrol in podiatry.

He may have won his court case, but in his ten year absence, he hasn’t turned up to a single exam and hasn’t handed in any of his assignments, so he fails. Nyer. What a stinky loser.

One day he’s hoping to become a famous philosopher so he can prove that his foot odour doesn’t actually exist. / is just an artificial construct.

The philosophy student told the court that his foot odour defined his whole being: “I stink, therefore I am.”

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