Lean Logies (Good News Week 9/3/09: monologue)

This year’s 51st Logie Awards will face budget cuts and a trimmed invite list. Unfortunately it seems there’s no chance of losing Richard Wilkins. / Please let it be Richard Wilkins…

Celebrities at the Logies can expect to party til the break of 9:30.

Two event companies have been briefed to bid for the event to “take it to a new level” on less money. At this stage it’s looking like the best option is to not invite any of the nominees, but have them all as members of the same Facebook group.

Two event companies have been briefed to bid for the event to “take it to a new level” on less money. So they’re going to set it on Ramsey Street. / in Summer Bay.

Two event companies have been briefed to bid for the event to “take it to a new level” on less money. So instead of building elaborate sets and having expensive performances, they’re just renaming the night “The Mogies” and giving everyone a fake moustache.

To cut on costs, the Logies has down-graded to H-list celebrities, instead of the usual B- and C-lists. Bad news for viewers, but the best break Collette and Brian Mannix have had in ages!

It may be bad news for A-list celebrities, but it’s great news for Johnno and Dano. / Jackie MacDonald. / the Daddos.

But what better awards night for all that cheap shit people are forced to watch?

Maybe now the television industry can spend some money on PROGRAMS instead.

Officials have stated that they’re “looking at the invitation list” with cutbacks in mind. Looks like I’m missing out AGAIN.

They’re not yet sure whether the invite list will be trimmed of stars, TV Week staff or newsagents and advertisers. Though if they drop too many stars, they may find it difficult to pull enough hangers-on.

They’re not yet sure whether the invite list will be trimmed of stars, TV Week staff or newsagents and advertisers. In fact the only people turning up will be the judges and one of the Daddos.

But they can’t cut back on the hanger-ons, or newsagents and advertisers will abandon TV Week and the whole ridiculous charade will collapse!

Well it’s obviously expensive buying off all those judges.

It’s terrible! At this rate the Logies is just going to look like a cheap and tacky knock-off of overseas awards shows pandering to shallow populism!

The post-show parties are also likely to be quieter, and the cocaine will be replaced with Ajax. / and the drugs will just be leftover props from Underbelly.

They have been able to make a substantial saving by getting Matthew Newton to supply the drugs.

It’s reported that Channel Ten will stage a much shorter party than usual. But then we need early beddy-byes.

There’s been cutbacks on the Logies afterparty, but organisers promise that there will be no cutting back on having fun! Unless you want alcohol, food, drugs, or access to the toilets.

The organisers of the traditional afterparty say that, although there’s been cutbacks, you can still have a great time without alcohol. The pin the tail on the donkey’s going to be swell!

The Logies this year are so low-budget that even we’re in the running.

They’re also considering replacing the red carpet with the much cheaper red lego.

TV Week confirmed that there would be cuts, but they would be minimal as the 51st year marked a new era for the Logies. A new era of scaled-down glitz, budget glamour, and brief, undercatered parties!

It’s Australian TV’s night of blight!

There won’t be awards, but the winners will be given a 5 buck scratchie.

There will still be awards, just not the expensive statues we’re used to. It’ll be a gold star and an elephant stamp.

This year’s 51st Logie Awards will face budget cuts and a trimmed invite list, inviting only the very cheapest celebrities. Good news for me! / Good news for Richard Wilkins! / Good news for tonight’s guests!

They’re really putting the “low” into Logies…

They’re renaming them the Lo-budget-ies.

To make up for the trimmed invitation list, some celebrities are having to do double shifts. The part of Bert will be played by Matthew Newton with a giant orange on his head. / balancing a medicine ball.

Unfortunately this year’s GNW Jetsparrow Awards also face budget cuts, and this year will have just two guests. One of whom will be the Channel Ten cleaner.

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