No Superheroes (Good News Week 20/4/09: What’s the Story?)

A Fitzroy childcare centre has banned all commercial characters including superheroes and Barbies. They want to brainwash the kids their own way.

The John Street Community Early Childhood Co-Op have banned all commercial characters and logos which might be marketing to children. And, to avoid labels of hypocrisy, have also changed their name to “Childcare X”.

The John Street Community Early Childhood Co-Op have banned all commercial characters and logos which might be marketing to children. Unfortunately now you can’t find it.

A parent-run childcare centre has removed all the commercial characters from their range of costumes, toys, and books. Not only has this meant the children are freer to use their own imaginations in their play, but the carers no longer have to listen to eight hours of fucking Wiggles. / bloody Hi-5.

Without characters like Spiderman influencing them at daycare, carers are saying they’re seeing children spend more time playing with blocks and lego, and less time trying to get bitten by spiders.

Superhero play tends to divide children into “good” and “bad”, and pits them against each other, rather then letting them play together. Now that they’ve got rid of superheroes, the kiddies have gone back to inclusive games like cops and robbers, cowboys and indians, and “let’s torture the terrorist”.

An assistant director said that superhero outfits could encourage rough play in boys, as well as invisibility in Wonder Girls.

An assistant director said that superhero outfits encourage rough play, divisions into “goodies” and “baddies”, and x-ray vision.

An assistant director said that superhero outfits could encourage rough play and aversions to kryptonite.

Bratz dolls are also banned as they have been found to encourage girls to become sluts with enormous distended heads.

Barbies and Bratz devalue a female’s intellect and personality, placing all the emphasis on their physical appearance. Thankfully, now that the childcare centre has eliminated Bratz and Barbies, the only negative female influences on the girls will be their mothers.

Bratz and Barbies have also been banned, as they are bad role models for girls, encouraging them to become less than thirty centimetres tall and made from artificial polymers.

Unfortunately, restricting toys only works inside the centre. Our society is so drenched in sex and violence that the only real way to protect our children is to gouge their eyes out with a spoon. / with a dildo.

Unfortunately kids characters sometimes come into conflict, such as when Superman rescues one of the Bratz and throws the slut back.

Of course, removing superhero-play from childcare centres does tend to alienate the children who have been bitten by radioactive spiders. / who are allergic to kryptonite.

The policy stops kids from being jealous of each other’s outfits. Now they all wear clothes that they hate.

But as much as the parents try to eliminate superhero play by banning costumes, kids will be kids, and are now playing Tracksuit Man battles the evil Captain Corduroy!

By taking superhero suits away, the centre hopes to discourage games pitting goodies against baddies. In their centre, everyone’s a baddie!

Although given that virtually every item of kids’ clothing is garishly branded, it means the kids have to run around nude.

To further dissuade jealousy, children aren’t allowed to have branded food in their lunchboxes, and are encouraged instead to have a few mouthfuls of sandpit.

To further dissuade jealousy, children are also being encouraged to all dress the same, are all given identical lunches, and are referred to by number rather than name.

Though the policy discriminates against kids with real super-powers. They just don’t feel normal without a cape.

It’s a return to the good old days, when kids made their own fun, and if they didn’t, you could put them in the stocks.

Some people are very against the idea of commercial-free childcare. Especially people who work for advertising companies. / who make commercials aimed at children. / Especially the Wiggles.

A coalition has formed to fight the ban, headed by some of the most ruthless masters of child-exploitation the world has ever seen, or as they’re more commonly known, the Wiggles.

At the John Street Community Early Childhood Co-Op, children are encouraged to use their imaginations and access their own creativity. It’s working wonderfully too – they’ve already invented seven superheroes and a range of skankmole dolls.

At the John Street Community Early Childhood Co-Op, children are encouraged to use their imaginations and access their own creativity. What century do these hippies belong to? Buy the kids a Playstation and a dancing pole for fuck’s sake!

Leave a Reply