Glass House

iPod My Baby – please! (The Glass House 26/10/05)

A website now offers little jumpsuits for your baby that make them look like an iPod, complete with a click wheel on the stomach. If you compress your children first, you can fit over 200 into the same jumpsuit!

Parents who can’t afford to iPod their baby have been left still having to dress their kids like an old cassette deck. (“Dolby my baby” just didn’t catch on.)

Newer model babies can store up to 20,000 nursery rhymes, have a built-in USB port, and take photos when you change their nappy.

iPods are like babies: they’re cute, small and are filled with an enormous amount of shit.

Babies and iPods are similar, but I know which can store more MP3s.

I always set my baby to random play…

Some parents have been disappointed when they try to put their baby on shuffle, but it still keeps making the same old boring Goo Goo noises.

And, so neighbours don’t complain about the noise, once you plug your headphones in, your baby’s whisper-quiet…

The site is However, you can be arrested if you visit the site “iprodmybaby”…

The site is However, you can be arrested if you literally pod your baby…

iPodmygrandma has not been nearly as popular.

The compression can really effect the audio quality though. After all, there’s no sound worse than a streaming baby…

You can buy your iPod child on e-Baby…

People prefer these “iBabies” to real babies… when they grow up, they can be a full home theatre system.

iPods are not happy about the comparison. “This is insulting. When did you last see a baby with a 20 gig hard drive?”

As well as the iPod Nano, you can buy an iPod Googoo.

The newest model iBabies also come with their own search engine – Googoo.

There was even a fashion show for iPods recently. All went well until they short-circuited in the wet-t-shirt section.

There was even a fashion show for iPods recently. Kate Moss’s iPod was disqualified for downloading iCocaine…

Now that people are dressing their iPods as people and babies as iPods, it can get a little confusing. One mother confessed she had difficulty telling her iPod and her baby apart at times. “Sure, I’ve accidentally given the iPod the odd breastfeed. But at least that way I can download the milk straight to my computer.”

“I think my baby’s broken – it keeps on playing the same song, and the more I press the stop button, the louder it gets.”

One baby was fast-forwarded so much, it was 18 by the time it was 2.

Luckily, iPod day-centres are opening up, where Net Nannies look after your little ebaby, make sure it’s charged, and change its dirty mp3s.

By Wok

Warwick Holt is a highly experienced, award-winning screenwriter, who has written for many of Australia’s top comedians and presenters, and the Emperor of this here Media Empire.

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