Public Transport for Pollies (The Glass House 9/11/05)

Liberal MP Malcolm Turnball suggests MPs should be able to swap their taxpayer-funded car for a public transport allowance. Wow, pollies on public transport. Next thing you know they’ll be offering public services!

Wow, pollies on public transport. Next thing you know they’ll be offering healthcare and education!

Of course politicians already take public transport. Well, the public pay for their transport.

Politicians don’t usually like public transport; they might accidentally meet the public.

Some politicians have tentatively embraced taking the train, so long as there are two new stations installed – one for the Lower House and one for the Senate.

Ticket inspectors are going to have to be careful who they wrestle to the ground now or they might find themselves disappeared for a while…

Do we really want politicians catching the train? Doesn’t that just give them another excuse for not turning up to Parliament?

The new parliamentary stretch bus features a television, a mini-bar and a complimentary line of coke.

Turnball suggests that MPs switching to public transport will be good for the environment. Sure, it cuts down greenhouse emissions, but it’s probably balanced up by releasing noxious humans into the wild…

Sure, it cuts down greenhouse emissions, but it’ll be balanced by all the hot air jetted out by self-righteous politicians.

Of course, they’ll have their own exclusive trains, where they’ll always get a seat, there are no delays or cancellations, and the only people chroming and vandalising will be other MPs.

Of course, the Politician Trains only need to run for half the year, and don’t go to the Western suburbs at all.

At least it gives the terrorists a good reason to blow up trains.

Some politicians already catch trains, particularly those from the Suicide Bomber Party. (Although they don’t have many members left…)

Could make it difficult at election time. If you stand in your seat, you’ll get fined a hundred bucks.

If they wanted people to use public transport, why did they make it private?

Other suggestions include a skateboard allowance, hovercraft entitlements and making politicians (singing with hands cupped over ears and making roller-skating-type bodily motions) “wired for sound”.

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