Saucy Rudd (GNW 15/6/09: A Thousand Words)

Kevin Rudd has responded to criticism that his ministry is too male by twice saying “fair shake of the sauce bottle”, and then used the phrase again in response to a question on economic data. Who knew Kev was so saucy?

Kevin Rudd has responded to criticism that his ministry is too blokey by saying “fair shake of the sauce bottle” – twice. Nope, doesn’t sound blokey to me.

The weird turn of phrase was designed by spin doctors to distract the media and the Australian public from… whatever else he said. Shit – it worked!

He ended up using “fair shake of the sauce bottle” because “fair crack of the whip” sounded too kinky, “fair suck of the sav” was too suggestive, and “fair go for all Australians” was too unrealistic.

But Kevvo’s always been ocker as! Fair dinkum! If he’s not wrestlin’ razorbacks down behind the rubbidy dub, he’s crackin’ a cold one over a few jumbuck snags with the sheilas!

Yeah. Kevin Kevin Kevin – oi oi oi.

Fair shake of the sauce bottle – so long as those snags are chicken only. / don’t contain any red meat.

Still, at least he’s not saying the more common “fair suck of the sav”. That’s a mental image none of us need.

Oh Kev, you’re so fair dinkum true blue, you can even make up expressions no-one’s ever heard before!

Rudd went on to explain his choice of words, confessing he was a “bonza dinkum true blue cobber, ripper strewth by jingo, don’t let no bodgy dero yobbo come the raw prawn bout that. Now you got any turps? I’m as dry as a dead dingo’s donger!”

Rudd had to try out a bit of Aussie lingo, otherwise he was really gonna spit the dummy. / chuck a spaz. / crack the shits.

Unfortunately Rudd’s attempts to Aussify his lingo just end up with him babbling about sauce bottles. Still, at least he’s heard of them.

Mind you, if anyone actually gave Rudd a sauce bottle to have a fair shake of, he’d blast them for not having arranged the sauce on the plate as per his prior specifications.

Though round at Kevin and Therese’s place, it’s more like “fair rattle of the silver sauce tureen”. / “fair shake of the saucier”. / “fair shake of the sauce bottle, Jeeves.”

According to the Prime Minister, the world financial markets are “knackered”, the swine flu epidemic is “spreadin’ like a bride on her wedding night”, and his own fake ockerisms are “like vegemite up a flamin’ gum tree”.

Rudd was responding to criticisms that his new cabinet was too blokey, and was just pointing out that he had plenty of sheilas working in the kitchen. / plenty of sheilas prepping the tucker.

Rudd also referred to new Defence Minister John Faulkner as “Faulks”. That should put a cracker under his arse.

Rudd also referred to new Defence Minister John Faulkner as “Faulks”, which caused some confusion. Not only had no-one heard the term before, but the correct Aussie diminutive would be “Faulksy”!

Not only does he call his Defense Minister “Faulks”, but his Deputy Prime Minister is “Gillo”, his wife is “Reiny”, and the Leader of the Opposition is “Dag the Bloody Drongo”. / “Poofter Pants”.

In fact, he’s thinking of renaming the Labor Party, “The Coolabah Party”. / “The Coo-Labor Party”.

He’s just making up Aussie-sounding sayings nowadays. He might as well’ve said “pull a jumbuck outta blowie creek, mate!” or “billabong on the flamin’ tuckerbox, bluey!” We all know what he REALLY means – “help me!”

How’s THIS for a new Aussie saying: “well, send me troops to Afghanistan and give me swine flu!” / “well, sell me uranium and destroy me water catchments!”

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