Surfin’ Tsunami (The Glass House 16/11/05)

The City of Malibu is distributing brochures warning surfers not to catch a ride on a tsunami. Wipe out! …whole cities at a time.

Beach volleyball is also banned from tsunami areas, although they still allow Diving For Belongings and Synchronised Drowning.

A tsunami can be a devastating experience. And when you’re choking for air and surveying the ruins of your house, the last thing you want to see is some greasy teenager crashing down into it yelling “AWESOME!”

The leaflet also suggests that hang-gliders shouldn’t try to catch hurricanes, and that you should rethink that idea of bungee jumping with a nuclear weapon.

But would it be such a shame to lose a few surfies? There’d be fewer shark-tooth necklaces, a lot less dreadlocks, and more pot for the rest of us.

In 1994 a tsunami warning in Hawaii drew more than 400 surfers, all of whom survived. So next time, they’re adding sharks.

With the news that 400 surfers survived the Hawaiian tsunami, Florida residents have started stocking up on wax…

But it’s better than trying to drive away from a tsunami; cars sink, surfboards float.

It’s like telling arsonists to keep away from the world’s biggest bushfire, or Paris Hilton to stay away from the Canterbury Bulldogs.

It’s not fair; some of the world’s top surfers only surf tsunamis. Like Stumpy “No Legs” Johnson, or Breaky “Spinal Fracture” Snapback.

Why keep surfers away from the tsunamis, when they could be using them as a search and rescue squad? Not a joke, just thought it was a cool idea.

Following the boxing day tsunami, Indonesia has also embraced surfing – but they’re only planning to Hang Nine…

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