Shoot the all-rounder (The Glass House 23/11/05)

British cricketer Andrew Flintoff has revealed that he was once shot at while fielding. It’s a more direct version of Bodyline – Flesh Wound!

Looks like Brett Lee’s aim isn’t as good as we thought.

Now that’s the way to get the Ashes back!

It would have got him but at the last minute Flintoff did a (assume Benaud voice) maaarvellous reverse swing.

Flintoff said he was persuaded to play down the incident at the time. (put finger to head gun-style) Strongly persuaded.

They’ve blamed an “overexcited crowd”. At the cricket? Personally I think they were trying to inject a little excitement.

More like an over-bored crowd trying to spice things up.

But it’s really just a new form of fast bowling. With a new kind of extra-small, hard, bullet-shaped ball. And you don’t aim at the wickets, but at the head or torso. And you can bowl it from the crowd. They’re calling it “The Ultimate Test”…

It’s actually a great idea for a new form of cricket – “One Day Cricket, One Team Leaves”.

And if you get shot in the head, it’s six and out. Six feet under and snuffed out.

The gunman was arrested but released when the Indian team revealed he was their best chance at winning the series.

Ah, but there’s no nicer sound on a summers’ day than the thwack of bullet on skull…

They were trying to get him in the googlies…

Shooting at players became popularised the season before, when India played Pakistan… and for the next series, they’re bringing out the nukes.

“It was a terrible mistake,” said the gunman. “I thought he was a Pakistani!”

The judge was stumped… He claimed the gunman was a wicket, wicket man, before releasing him on bails…

Flintoff’s not the first player to be shot at; Warnie once fielded a bullet that took out his self-control, a chunk of his hair, and his memory of being shot at.

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