A 65-year-old German amateur pilot has lost his license after flying while four times over the legal limit and radioing the control tower to ask “Where the bloody hell have you hidden yourself?” He was so pissed, he not only started speaking English, but doing a Steve Irwin impression. A 65-year-old German amateur pilot has […]
Month: September 2009
Tuesday, September 15 Beyoncé will begin her Australian tour in Brisbane, or as they’re calling it for the event, Breysbané. Beyoncé will begin her Australian tour in Brisbane. Brisbanelicious! / I’m available if she’s after a bit of Beyoncé-Beyoncé… Dan Brown’s sequel to “The Da Vinci Code” will be released, to anyone who can decipher […]
Men between 60 and 69 are most at risk from a deadly scourge – deaths due to do-it-yourself. But I guess, if you’re gunna die, die DIY. By all means, do it yourself – just make sure you get someone to do it yourself for you. Some call it a tragedy, some call it evolution. […]
A Canadian palaeontologist is planning to manipulate chicken embryos to create a dinosaur. He’s not sure what sort of dinosaur exactly, probably a chookasaurus. A Canadian palaeontologist is planning to manipulate chicken embryos to create a dinosaur. But it’s not a waste of time – he’s pretty sure that the dinosaurs will be able to […]
Ladies! Build more feminine curves with the Shake Weight! It promises not to cum in your mouth. / to respect you in the morning. Of course, one of the drawbacks to the exercise machine is that it’s a lot smaller in cold weather. And sometimes, despite everything, it just won’t work at all. Let’s just […]
One of the quickest drinks in the world – the simple shot – just got quicker, thanks to the “Alcohol Shot Gun” – also known as the “fun-gun”, “piss-pistol”, and “chunder-blunderbuss”. / “chunderbluss”. Of course, real men drink from a semi-automatic. / a rocket launcher. / a Magnum. And if someone makes a deadly mistake […]
It’s official – a declassified 2004 report show that the CIA engaged in torture of detainees. Turns out the terrorists actually did destroy our way of life. The CIA have finally declassified the torture information. Well, they took off the hoods. But what’s the point of banning cameras if some goody-goody agency insider’s just going […]
A London study has found that toddlers can bite with as much force as the average mongrel dog. Ah, toddlers. The savage bite of a mongrel dog combined with the egocentricity of a CEO. / with the brutal instincts of a top executive. Not only are their jaws as strong as a mongrel dog’s, but […]
Gangs of international thieves are flying in to Australia and picking pockets, snatching bags and skimming ATMs. Not to mention getting a nice tan. / catching a few waves. Gangs of international thieves are flying in to Australia and picking pockets, snatching bags and skimming ATMs. It’s just their way. / But really – who […]
The latest fad in China is fortune fish: fish tattooed with lucky characters for things such as “Good Fortune”, “Long Life” and “Happiness”. Curiously there’s been little demand for “Mum”. Mutilating live creatures has never been such good luck! / filled with good fortune! It’s weird – every time walk into a tattoo-parlour and ask […]