“How many Americans does it take to change a totalitarian regime? At least 2000!” “Remember those mass graves? So funny!” The court pauses for an episode of Iraq’s Funniest Home Videos. The court pauses for an episode of Iraq’s Funniest Genocides. The court pauses for an episode of Everybody Loves Saddam. “Ha ha! I knew […]
Category: Glass House
IT’S WORLD WATER DAY It’s World Water Day! Make an extra effort to conserve – water your garden with beer. It’s World Water Day. Not really a cause for celebration in countries affected by tsunamis. It’s World Water Day. Give a tap a kiss. It’s World Water Day. So leave the taps on to celebrate. […]
New movies are getting more blood-soaked than ever. Films like Wolf Creek, Saw II and Hostel are even more gory than The Passion of the Christ… but you wait for Passion of the Christ 2! It’s gotten to the point where the bad guy has to let the victim recover just so they can generate […]
Performers in Sunday’s Commonwealth Games are being asked to dress like “regular Melburnians”. Most of them will be wearing the same ghoulish pale faces that they wore to the opening ceremony. That wasn’t makeup, folks. Most people will wear a T-shirt and shorts. Plus a jacket and trakky daks for when it gets cold. And […]
An Virgin airline stewardess caused panic on a turbulence-effected plane by screaming “We’re going to crash, we’re going to crash, we’re going to crash!” Apparently, when the turbulence settled down and the plane was cruising safely, she shrieked “We’re going to live! We’re going to live! AAARRRGGHH!” “We’re suing!” said one couple. “If a stewardess […]
Parramatta Community College has begun offering a Skills with Dating course to teach people how to date. Subjects covered include Flirting, Making Moves, and Getting Pissed Without Throwing Up… People often don’t get a second date because they “put their dating face on”. Perhaps their dating face needs updating. People often don’t get a second […]
In a breakthrough for road lickers, Aussie scientists have successfully converted sugar into what they say is a superior form of bitumen. The roads could be pigmented into an entire rainbow of different colours. Oh dear, I think the scientists have been drinking from their test-tubes again… There may be a worrying increase in roadkill, […]
HOWARD DECADE Celebrating ten years as Prime Minister, John Howard said that it was an occasion to be celebrated in a “contained, serious and sober fashion.” He’s right: 10 years of Howard is about as serious and sober as it gets. Tickets to John Howard’s 10 year bash were $1000 each. That buys you a […]
And now a canonical list of the Aussie values that John Howard and Peter Costello would like to see restored. * Whiteness * Having money * Going to a reputable college * Believing in “Australian values” * Knowing the names of the entire Australian XI * A deep-seated love of Phar Lap * Idolising bushrangers […]
Las Vegas mayor Oscar Goodman has told a television audience that he thinks that the solution to the city’s graffiti problem might be to punish offenders with a “thumbing” – cutting their thumb off on TV. Not only does it set an example for other potential graffitists, it also addresses Las Vegas’ critical thumb shortage. […]