Archive for March, 2009

Mini-You (Good News Week 23/3/09: monologue)

Thursday, March 26th, 2009

A Japanese toy company is tailor-making robotic Mini-Mes which replicate your appearance and even your voice. Great as a conversation starter, to freak out your friends, or to send out to do your evil bidding! Because, deep down inside, doesn’t everyone want a creepy robot that looks just like you? A robo-mini-me. I never thought […]

Scooby Whacks (Good News Week 23/3/09: monologue)

Thursday, March 26th, 2009

A study by Iowa State University found evidence of increased violence amongst children who’d been exposed to cartoons like Scooby-Doo. The kids would’ve got away with it too, if it wasn’t for those meddling researchers. A study by Iowa State University found evidence of increased violence amongst children who’d been exposed to cartoons like Scooby-Doo […]

Cannifornia (Good News Week 23/3/09: What’s The Story?)

Thursday, March 26th, 2009

A member of the Californian govt. announced he was introducing legislation that would not only legalise marijuana, but allow the state to tax the $20 billion a year industry. California a hotbed of drugs? Surely not – that’s the home of family entertainment! / the entertainment world! California. Of ALL places. All America’s stoners will […]

Boxing (a) Kangaroo (Good News Week 23/3/09: What’s The Story?)

Thursday, March 26th, 2009

A Canberra man wrestled a 40 kilogram kangaroo out of his house after it smashed through his bedroom window at 2am Sunday morning. Boy was it drunk. A Canberra man wrestled a 40 kilogram kangaroo out of his house after it smashed through his bedroom window at 2am on a Sunday morning. He only realised […]

Drumming Rulez OK (Good News Week 23/3/09: Giving Headline)

Thursday, March 26th, 2009

Researchers studying the effects of drumming believe a video game could boost the mental and physical health of everyone from troubled teens to unmotivated workers. Although not as much as actual drumming would. Playing a video game to gain the benefits of drumming is a bit like improving your vocabulary by watching television. / is […]

Loss like death (Good News Week 23/3/09: Giving Headline)

Thursday, March 26th, 2009

A Victoria University study has found that Aussie rules fans can find an unexpected loss by their team as difficult as to deal with as a death. And a lot harder to deal with than their own death. A Victoria University study has found that Aussie rules fans can find an unexpected loss by their […]

Pray after the beep (Good News Week 23/3/09: So You Think You Can Mime)

Thursday, March 26th, 2009

Dutch artist Johan van der Dong has set up an answering machine to receive messages for God. He’ll pass them on next time he’s smoking that super-skunk. Van der Dong said he said up the number to give people an opportunity to take pause and contemplate life. Also he needed a decent laugh. It’s about […]

Shooting Blanks (Good News Week 23/3/09: So You Think You Can Mime)

Thursday, March 26th, 2009

The administrative head of the central Indian district of Shivpuri has offered to fast-track gun license applications for men who have vasectomies. They want to make sure you’re only shooting blanks. Though once you get your gun, you’re not allowed any bullets. If only Americans sterilised all their gun nuts too. It makes sense – […]

Studying his navel (Good News Week 23/3/09: Strange But True)

Thursday, March 26th, 2009

An Austrian scientist claims to have solved the mystery of belly-button fluff. And it’s not the Fluff Fairy. / All this time, I’d assumed it was the Fluff Fairy. / Fluff Goblins. / Lintworms. Over three years, Georg Steinhauser studied 503 pieces of fluff from his own belly-button. And then he had the idea for […]

Strip down to your strip (Good News Week 23/3/09: Strange But True)

Thursday, March 26th, 2009

A British survey as revealed that more men would prefer to see their girlfriends in bed in their football team’s colours than in lingerie. They also love their girls to wave flags when they cum. / to spray them with champagne when they cum. And nothing gets them hornier than a Mexican wave. / And […]

Good Next Week (Good News Week 23/3/09: closing)

Thursday, March 26th, 2009

Tues, March 24 Barack Obama will meet Kevin Rudd for the first time. Ruddy will never have looked so lame. Barack Obama will meet Kevin Rudd for the first time, and pick up some tips on gently dashing the hopes of your followers. Kevin Rudd will meet Barack Obama and in the great tradition of […]

And the big news? (Good News Week 16/3/09: monologue)

Thursday, March 26th, 2009

It’s all happening in Canberra. The number of job ads is plummeting as the govt. tries to get its new I.R. laws passed. Certainly there’s been a lot of layoffs in the WorkChoices advertising sector. Though unions will be on the look out for a fresh bunch of heavies. We were warned… The government is […]

Designer Bub (Good News Week 16/3/09: What’s the Story)

Thursday, March 26th, 2009

Advances in embryonic cell analysis has meant a Los Angeles fertility clinic is able to offer designer babies. At last my five-armed, nine-legged baby will no longer be just a crazy dream. It’s great! With this technology, finally I can have a baby that looks just like Mikey. My prayers have been answered! Sure, but […]

Rudd’s Shit-storm (Good News Week 16/3/09: What’s the Story)

Thursday, March 26th, 2009

Kevin Rudd has created a political shit-storm by appearing on TV and uttering the phrase “political shit-storm”. Huh! Sounds like someone’s trying to cash in on the Underbelly phenomenon. It really is the only way you can compete with Underbelly. Really? Shit! You can swear on TV? No-one told me… He’s opened the floodgates. Now […]

Abstain from text (Good News Week 16/3/09: 3 1/2 Corners)

Tuesday, March 24th, 2009

It’s small, hard, you can slide your hand along to make it bigger, and the Pope doesn’t want you touching it. That’s right – it’s a mobile phone. Monsignor Benito Cocchi has called on the faithful to avoid modern modes of communication for Lent. Not telephones of course, God’s cool with any communication devices pre-1980. […]

Cut death – cut costs (Good News Week 16/3/09: Strange But True)

Tuesday, March 24th, 2009

American politicians opposed to the death penalty are arguing that it should be abolished to cut costs. And some sort of gobbledygook about “human rights”, “valuing life”, blah blah blah. American politicians opposed to the death penalty are arguing that it should be abolished to cut costs. Because what other argument could there be? / […]

Love You Leung Time (Good News Week 16/3/09: Strange But True)

Tuesday, March 24th, 2009

A 12-year-old Hong Kong schoolboy posted naked pictures of himself online and offered to be a prostitute to females between the ages of 10 and 45. He just knows that female paedophile market remains mostly untapped. The boy, calling himself Little Leung, described himself as a Christian and offered to make love for $144. Unfortunately, […]

Good Next Week (Good News Week 16/3/09: closing)

Tuesday, March 24th, 2009

Tues, March 17 And tomorrow, once again the footpaths will be green with vomit for St. Patrick’s Day! St. Patrick’s Day will see green beer, brewed entirely from renewable energy and old-growth forests. Unfortunately, tomorrow’s Telstra Australian Swimming Championships will be put on hold. The Telstra Australian Swimming Championships in Sydney – which is just […]

Lean Logies (Good News Week 9/3/09: monologue)

Thursday, March 12th, 2009

This year’s 51st Logie Awards will face budget cuts and a trimmed invite list. Unfortunately it seems there’s no chance of losing Richard Wilkins. / Please let it be Richard Wilkins… Celebrities at the Logies can expect to party til the break of 9:30. Two event companies have been briefed to bid for the event […]

Kiddie Crunch (Good News Week 9/3/09: monologue)

Thursday, March 12th, 2009

The credit crunch is hitting home so hard that even Australian 6-year-olds are raising concerns. It’s even worse in America, where 6-year-olds have had to default on their mortgages. Many kids are now imitating their dads: climbing to the top of the cubbyhouse and jumping off. Several kids have had their pocket money cut, and […]