To make for a spotless celebration of the Communist Party’s 60th Anniversary, Beijing authorities have announced plans to eliminate all pests: mosquitos, rats, flies, cockroaches, and monks. / foreign media. Unlike Chairman Mao’s 1958 Four Pests campaign, this will only be carried out by specialists. Because obviously the amateurs didn’t get it right! Unlike Chairman […]
Month: September 2009
A study of the Taliban has revealed they are less like a group of Islamic crusaders and more like the mafia depicted in “The Sopranos”. So they’re inept, infighting, backstabbing and psychologically insecure – should be a piece of piss to defeat them! A study of the Taliban has revealed they are less like a […]
According to a new survey commissioned by McDonald’s, Australians are eating like pigs. As well as eat-in, take-away, and drive-thru, the chain will now be offering the Trough. Is it any surprise that we eat like pigs, when we’re eating swill like McDonald’s? Table manners? Why would Australians suddenly develop manners for the table when […]
Two pieces of footage have turned up from Poland appearing to show a yeti – in one of them, spying on a bikini-clad bather. And now we know, it’s not just his feet that are big. I’m terrified of Yetis! Not just their gruesome, hairy appearance and brutal strength, but their incredible power to ruin […]
Monday, September 21 Kevin Rudd turns 52, which in anyone’s language is a fair old shake of the sauce bottle. Kevin Rudd will turn 52! He’s looking forward to tucking into his big birthday cake made of earwax. Kevin Rudd will turn 52! He’s going to get Peter Garret to jump out of a yellow […]
Eight rescuers worked for days to dig a four-metre tunnel and used expanding airbags to move boulders – and all to rescue an 8-year-old deaf dog named Scooby. And they’d have succeeded too, if it wasn’t for those meddling kids! Sounds like a job for Scooby-Doo! Oh, right. Scooby had chased a rabbit down a […]
Taxpayers funded $10 million worth of leaflets printed by MPs leading up to the last election. I’ll vote for anyone who doesn’t spend my money on getting me to vote for them! If only I knew who they were. / If only there was some way they could let me know. / If only they […]
Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi says he’s prepared to go to court to fight media accusations he’s a dirty old man, & impotent. Silvio can get it up any time. All you need to do is provide him with an underage prostitute. He claims he’s not impotent, and he’s willing to stand up in court […]
Britney Spears stunned fans by actually singing live at a concert in the U.S. Although that wasn’t the biggest shock – it was that she was fully clothed. / it was that she was actually a man. With a full beard. Britney Spears stunned fans by actually singing live at a concert in the U.S. […]
Tony Negus has taken over as the new Commissioner of the Australian Federal Police. The old one went ‘wee wee wee’ all the way home. It’s not hard to become Commissioner of the AFP. It’s one simple test: “Four legs good, two legs bad”. Negus said the primary focus of the AFP would be to […]