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Glass House

Death to jetlagged mice (cut from The Glass House 29/11/06)

Tests on mice showed that jetlag can take a permanent toll on health and can lead to early death. Other tests have indicated that early death in mice can also be caused by feeding them Ratsak, giving them to cats or dropping bricks on them. The results are important for humans: not only will we […]

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Glass House

Bambang the dog (The Glass House 22/11/06)

An Indonesian University student has been sentenced to almost four months jail for calling President Yudhoyono and his Vice-President “dogs” and “cat excrement”. He was given one month for being insulting, and three months for mixing his metaphors. There is an upside though; when he’s released he’s being offered a job as an Opposition speechwriter. […]

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Glass House

Baby toupees (The Glass House 22/11/06)

The latest Internet fad – baby toupees! Just because your baby spews everywhere, drools on the floor and shits their pants is no reason why you can’t humiliate them further. Just because your baby spews everywhere, drools on the floor and shits their pants doesn’t mean they can’t have nice hair. Because what are babies […]

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Glass House

Cruisey marriage (The Glass House 22/11/06)

Tom and Katie have at long last made honest people of each other and tied the knot. They had two ceremonies, a Roman Catholic one in an Italian medieval castle overlooking a lake, and a Scientologist one in a mothership overlooking their Thetans’ home planet. The Vatican were unsure whether to allow a Roman Catholic […]

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Glass House

We were making a fortune selling the eggs (The Glass House 22/11/06)

A 26 year old British woman has put her eggs up for sale on the Internet to pay off a 15,000 pound credit card debt. She got heavily into debt a few weeks ago when she bought 5000 dozen eggs. “I had a real craving!” To pay off a 15,000 pound debt, a 26 year […]

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Glass House

APEC costumes for Sydney 2007 (The Glass House 15/11/06)

Wow, these were actually credited to “Mat & Wok”! Those Glass House folks are so nice. We’re going to miss it, make no mistake… (sniff) What will the leaders be wearing at APEC next year as “traditional Australian dress”? Well, they could wear the great Aussie cozzie: But maybe it would be more tasteful to […]

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Glass House

Monologue T-3 and counting… (The Glass House 15/11/06)

LAME DUCK AND DONALD DUCK It’s been a great week for democracy, freedom and all those other things George Dubya Bush keeps banging on about, when the American Democrats took control of both houses of Congress, leaving Dubya a “lame duck” President. The one upside for Bush is that being a duck almost certainly protects […]

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Glass House

Dead dog reporting for duty suh! (The Glass House 15/11/06)

The German Army has called up a dead dog for National Service. It turned out to be a terrible mistake, the poor old blind Pekingese would have been completely unsuitable for the Zombie Schnauzer Squad. We’ve stumbled upon the new German war plan! Smuggle dead Pekingese dogs into enemy territory and when people innocently pat […]

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Glass House

Hideously Clinton (cut from Attack Ads segment – The Glass House 15/11/06)

John Spencer, Hilary Clinton’s challenger for the Senate, allegedly said that she looked “hideous” as a young woman, and has had millions of dollars worth of plastic surgery. The Republicans are obviously getting desperate – normally they just call their opponents dirty stinkin commie bastards. / dirty treehuggin hippie scum. / normally they just reveal […]

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Glass House

Kazakh Bankh (The Glass House 8/11/06)

Still stinging from a concerted campaign of slander by Borat, Kazakstan has had another PR blow when the country’s central bank was found to have misspelt the word “bank” on its banknotes. Unfortunately this now makes them useless for buying horse’s urine, pigskins or other peoples’ daughters. The bank staff responsible said it was a […]